APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied
by a complete financial statement, school history, job history, ancestral
lineage, DMV printout, and a current medical report from your doctor.

NAME______________________________________  DATE OF BIRTH______________
HEIGHT____________  WEIGHT_____________  IQ__________  GPA_____________
SOCIAL SECURITY #___________________  DRIVERS LICENSE #________________
BOY SCOUT RANK AND  BADGES______________    ______________________
HOME ADDRESS_______  _________________  CITY/STATE___________  ZIP_____
 
Do you have ONE male and ONE female parent?   ___________________________

If NO, please explain  _________________________________________________

Number of years they have been married   ________________________________

If less than your age, explain  ________________________________________
  
Do you own a van? _____________A truck with oversized tires?___________
A waterbed?_____________A pickup with a mattress in the  back?__________
A condom?_______________Pornography?_______________Do you have an earring, 
nose ring, or a belly button ring? _______   A tattoo?_____________
(IF YES TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES)
 
In 50 words or less, what does LATE mean to you?_______________________

In 50 words or less, what does DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER, mean to you?
___________________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does ABSTINENCE mean to you?_________________
 
Church you attend  ______________________________________________________
How often you attend  ___________________________________________________

When would be the best time to interview your:
    father? _____________         priest? _______________
    mother? _____________         parole officer? _______
     
Answer by filling in the blank.  Please answer freely, all answers are
confidential.
     
A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be: 
___________________________________________________________________

B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my: 
___________________________________________________________________

C: A woman's place is in the:________________________________________

D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is: 
___________________________________________________________________

E: When I first meet a girl, the thing I notice about her first is:
___________________________________________________________________
 
NOTE: If answer E begins with T or A, discontinue.  Leaving premises
keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised.
 
What do you want to do IF you grow up?   
_____________________________________________________________________

What is the current going rate of a hotel room?  ____________________

Condoms come in packages of (circle one)
      A:  3
      B:  6
      C:  9
      D: 12
      E: ALL OF THE ABOVE
 
How do you know?_____________________________________________________
 
I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE 
BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE 
AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, 
RED HOT POKERS,  AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.

_______________________________________