WAYS TO SURVIVE EVEN THE DULLEST SERMONS

Pass a note to the organist asking whether he/she plays requests

See if a yawn really is contagious

Slap your neighbor. See if they turn the other cheek.
 If not, raise your hand and tell the pastor

Devise ways of climbing into the balcony without using the stairs

Listen for your preacher to use a word beginning with 'A' then 'B and so on
 through the alphabet. You may get stuck on 'Q' unless your preacher
 is preaching against homosexuality

Sit in the back row and roll a handful of marbles under the pews ahead of you.
 After the service, credit yourself with 10 points for every marble
 that made it to the front

Using church notice-sheets or newcomer cards for raw materials, design,
 test and modify a collection of paper airplanes

Start from the back of the church and try to crawl all the way to the front,
 under the pews, without being noticed

Raise your hand and ask for permission to go to the bathroom

Whip out a hankie and blow your nose. Vary the pressure exerted on your
 nostrils and trumpet out a rendition of your favorite hymn

If the sermon goes on for more than 15 minutes, start blowing bubbles

Pretend to be 4 years old

Try to...
 indicate to the minister that his fly is undone raise one eyebrow

By unobtrusively drawing your arms up into your sleeves, turn your shirt inside out

Crack your knuckles

Think about your chin for an entire minute

Twiddle your...
 thumbs
 neighbor's thumbs

Wiggle your ears so that the people behind you will notice

Practice smiling insincerely