Noah's Ark... in the year 2000

And the Lord spoke to Noah and said, "In 6 months I'm going to make it rain
until the whole earth is covered with water and all the evil people are
destroyed. But I want to save a few good people, and 2 of very kind of
living thing on the planet. I am commanding you to build an Ark." And in a
flash of lightening, He delivered the specifications for the Ark. "Okay,"
said Noah, trembling and fumbling with the blueprints. "Six months, and it
starts to rain," thundered the Lord. "You'd better have the Ark completed,
or learn to swim for a very long time."

Six months passed, the skies clouded up and rain began to fall. The Lord
saw that Noah was sitting in his front yard, weeping. And there was no Ark.

"Noah!" shouted the Lord. "Where is the Ark?"

"Lord, please forgive me!" begged Noah. "I did my best, but there were big
problems. First, I had to get a building permit for the Ark construction
process, and your plans didn't meet code. I had to hire an engineer to
re-draw the plans. Then I got in a big fight over whether the Ark needed a
fire sprinkler system. Then my neighbor objected, claiming I was violating
zoning by building the Ark in my front yard. I had to get a variance from
the city planning commission. Then I had problems getting enough wood for
the Ark, because there was a ban on cutting trees to save the Spotted Owl.
I had to convince the US Fish & Wildlife Commission that I needed the wood
to save the owls, but they wouldn't let me catch the owls, so no owls. The
carpenters formed a union and went out on strike. I had to negotiate a
settlement with the National Labor Relations Board before anyone would pick
up a saw or hammer. Now we have 16 carpenters going on the boat, but no
owls. Then I started gathering up the animals, and got sued by an animal
rights group. They objected to me taking only 2 of each kind. Just when I
got the suit dismissed, the EPA notified me that I couldn't complete the
Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood
plan. They didn't take kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction
over the conduct of a Supreme Being. Then the Army Corps of Engineers
wanted a map of the proposed flood plan. I sent them a globe. Right now I'm
trying to resolve a complaint from the Equal Employment Opportunity
Commission over how many Croatians I'm supposed to hire. The IRS has seized
all my assets, claiming I'm trying to avoid paying taxes by leaving the
country. And I just got notice from the state about owing some kind of use
tax. I really don't think I can finish the Ark for at least another 5
years," Noah wailed.

The sky began to clear. The sun began to shine, and a rainbow arched across
the sky. Noah looked up and smiled. "You mean you're not going to destroy
the earth?" He asked hopefully.

"No," said the Lord sadly. "The goverment already has."