You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline - it helpsif you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer. -Frank Zappa --------------------------------------------------------------------- Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut. -Ernest Hemmingway --------------------------------------------------------------------- Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me. -Winston Churchill --------------------------------------------------------------------- He was a wise man who invented beer. -Plato --------------------------------------------------------------------- Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time. -Catherine Zandonella --------------------------------------------------------------------- A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her. -W.C. Fields --------------------------------------------------------------------- Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink. --Lady Astor to Winston Churchill Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it. -His reply --------------------------------------------------------------------- If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs. -David Daye --------------------------------------------------------------------- Work is the curse of the drinking class. -Oscar Wilde --------------------------------------------------------------------- When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. -Henny Youngman --------------------------------------------------------------------- Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. -Benjamin Franklin --------------------------------------------------------------------- If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose. -Deep Thoughts, Jack Handy --------------------------------------------------------------------- Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza. -Dave Barry --------------------------------------------------------------------- The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind. -Humphrey Bogart --------------------------------------------------------------------- Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine. -David Moulton --------------------------------------------------------------------- People who drink light "beer" don't like the taste of beer; they just like to pee a lot. -Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI --------------------------------------------------------------------- Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world. -Kaiser Wilhelm --------------------------------------------------------------------- I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer. -Homer Simpson --------------------------------------------------------------------- Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and ingredient in beer. -Dave Barry --------------------------------------------------------------------- I drink to make other people interesting. -George Jean Nathan --------------------------------------------------------------------- They who drink beer will think beer. -Washington Irving --------------------------------------------------------------------- An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools. -For Whom the Bell Tolls, Ernest Hemmingway --------------------------------------------------------------------- You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on. -Dean Martin --------------------------------------------------------------------- All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer. -Homer Simpson