How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch.
  
How many men does it take to change a light bulb?
None. Let her cook in the dark.
  
A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, "Martha,
pack up  your things! I just won the lottery!"  "Shall I pack for
warm weather or cold?" she replies  "I don't care. Just get the
hell out!"
  
I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months-
I don't like to interrupt  her.
  
If your wife and a lawyer were drowning and you had to
choose,  would you go to lunch or to a movie?
  
Most accidents happen at home.
And the men have to eat them!
  
How do you blind a woman?
Put a windshield in front of her face.
  
How many men does it take to mop a floor?
None. It's a woman's job.
  
A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.
  
Why can't Helen Keller drive?
She's a woman!
  
Why did the woman cross the road?
Who cares! What was she doing out of the kitchen???
  
How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't...there's a clock on the oven!