If Santa Were a Woman If Santa were a woman, I'd think she would stick with the same basic red outfit but lose the white horizontal stripe at waist level. She would hire some female elves to start an on-site-daycare center at the workshop. The night before the night before Christmas, she wouldn't be able to sleep because she would be thinking .....Why did I take this upon my self? I can't possibly pull it off. She'd consider asking for help, but she wouldn't want to bother anyone. Then she would remember her decision to really, really try to start delgating, so she'd call up some good friends, divide the work like a Mary Kay cosmetics distribution system and sleigh-pool. If Santa were a woman...she'd banish the naughty-and-nice report, not just because checking it twice is an inefficent use of her precious time but because she believes children are children not good or bad, for goodness sake. She'd distribute toys, sure. But knowing that the true gifts of Christmas come from the 24 -hour shopping channel of the soul, she'd also give quality time, penciling in the entire planet if necessary, because that's the kind of icon she is. Maybe Santa is a woman, like other historical figures who masqueraded as men because so much of the world was closed to him......Father Christmas is , after all, traditionally described in feminine terms--- bountiful, benevolent, round and soft: he certainly performed crisis intervention worthy of a Mom when the other reindeer laughed at Rudolph's honker, and he always carries way too much in his bag. Hmmmm. Nahhhh. Who else but a guy would make one grand annual gesture, be unavailable the whole rest of the year, and think it would make him a saint??