A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Wanna hear
an

Aggie joke?"
The guy next to him replies,"Well before you tell that joke, you
should know something. I'm 6' tall, 200 lbs., and I am an Aggie.  The
guy sitting next to me is 6'2 tall, weighs 225, and he's an Aggie.
The fella next to him is 6'5 tall, weighs 250, and he's an Aggie.
Now, you still wanna tell that joke?
The first guy says, Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it 3 times.


Albert Einstein arrives at a party and introduces himself to the first
person he sees and asks, What is your IQ?" to which the person answers
"241."
"That's wonderful!" says Albert.  "We will talk about the Grand
Unification Theory and the Mysteries of the Universe. We will have
much to discuss."
Next Albert introduces himself to another person and asks, "What is
your IQ?" to which the person answered "144."
"That's great!" responds Albert.  "We can discuss politics and current
affairs. We will have much to discuss!"
Albert goes to another person and asks, "What is your IQ?" to which
the person answered "51."  Albert responds, "How about those Aggies?"


Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told
a player who received four F's and one D: "Son, looks to me like
you're spending too much time on one subject." (1987)


A ventriloquist cowboy took a walk in the country and saw an Aggie
sitting on his porch with his dog.
Cowboy: "Hey, cool dog. Mind if I speak to him?"
Aggie: "This dog don't talk!"
Cowboy: "Hey dog, how's it goin'?" Dog: "Doin' all right."
Aggie: (Look of extreme shock)
Cowboy: "Is this your owner?" (Pointing at Aggie)
Dog: "Yep."
Cowboy: "How's he treat you?"
Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and
takes me to the lake once a week to play."
Aggie: (Look of disbelief)
Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"
Aggie: "Horses don't talk!"
Cowboy: "Hey horse, how's it goin'?"
Horse: "Cool."
Aggie: (An even wilder look of shock)
Cowboy: "Is this your owner?" (Pointing at Aggie)
Horse: "Yep."
Cowboy: "How's he treat you?"
Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes
me down often, and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the
elements."
Aggie: (Look of total amazement)
Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"
Aggie: (Gesticulating wildly and hardly able to talk)......"Them sheep
ain't nothin' but liars, every darned one of 'em!!!!"


There were two Aggies working for the city. One would dig a hole, he
would dig, dig, dig, the other would come behind him and fill the
hole, fill, fill, fill. These two men worked furiously. One digging a
hole, the other filling it up again.
A Longhorn was watching from the sidewalk and couldn't believe how
hard these men were working, but couldn't understand what they were
doing. Finally he had to ask them.
He said to the first Aggie, "I appreciate how hard you work, but what
are you doing?  You dig a hole and your partner comes behind you and
fills it up again!"
The first Aggie replied, "Oh yeah, must look funny, but the guy who
plants the trees is sick today."


There was an Aggie who was down on his luck. In order to raise some
money he decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.  He went to
the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him,
"I've kidnapped you." He then wrote a note saying: "I've kidnapped
your kid. Tomorrow morning, put 10,000 in a paper bag & put it beneath
the pecan tree next to the slide on the North side of the city play
ground."  Signed,"An Aggie."
The Aggie then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to
show it to his parents.
The next morning the Aggie checked, and sure enough a paper bag was
sitting beneath that pecan tree. The Aggie opened up the bag and found
the $10,000 with a note saying, "How could you do this to a fellow
Aggie?!"


An Aggie graduate applied for an engineering job way, way up north in
Shreveport. A Texas grad applied for the same job and both applicants,
having the same qualifications, were asked to take a test by the
department manager.
Upon completion of the test, both men missed only one question. The
manager went up to the Aggie and said "Thank you for your interest,
but we've decided to give the Texas grad the job."
The Aggie said "Why you gonna do that sir, we both got 9 questions
right?"
The manager said, "We made our decision not on the correct answers,
but on the one you missed."
The Aggie asked "How are you gonna tell if one incorrect answer is
better than another?"
The manager replied, "Simple, the Texas grad wrote down on question
#5, 'I don't know,' you put down,'neither do I.'


A group of Aggies were given the assignment to measure the height of a
flagpole.  So they get their ladders and tape measures and go out to
the flagpole.
Attempting to measure this flagpole was turning out to be a much more
difficult task than any of them had imagined-what with them falling
off the ladders, dropping the tape measures and so on-the whole thing
had just turned into a total mess.
After a while, a Longhorn happens along and sees what they are
attempting to do. He walks over, pulls the flagpole out of the ground,
and lays it flat on the ground.  He measures it from end to end, gives
the measurement to one of the Aggies and walks away without saying a
word.
After the Longhorn has gone, one Aggie turns to another and laughs as
he's shaking his head.  "Now that's just like a Longhorn! We're
looking for the height and he gives us the length!"


The aspiring psychiatrists from various colleges were attending their
first class on emotional extremes.
"Just to establish some parameters," said the professor to the student

from the University of Houston, "what is the opposite of joy?"

"Sadness," said the student.
"And the opposite of depression?" he asked of the young lady from
Rice.
"Elation," said she.
"And you sir," he said to the young man from Texas A&M, "how about the
opposite of woe?"
The Aggie replied, "Sir, I believe that would be "giddy-up."